How Much

How much do we think we know at any given moment in our life. How much have we learnt from our past experiences. I remember when I was 20. 2000. I was in university. I was capable of doing anything. I was invincible. I was clean. I was light. I had no extra baggage. Then 2003 rolled around. And I thought I know better than anyone now. Then 2004, and now 2008.

People came and people left. Life changed. Slowly but tremendously. If I were to come face to face with my 20 year old self, I'd not even recognize me. I remember being 15, 16 and wishing I could just skip through the next 5-6 years of my life and just be an adult already. So I can do things on my own. Be a working adult, who has a job, an office, a cell phone, a car, etc. I'm 28, I have all these things and more and my God how I envy that 15 year old. My God how I envy that 20 year old!

I guess at this point, when I've either hit or probably nearing my half point in life (statistically speaking), I am starting to realize the pattern that is life itself. Things change. Things will continue to change. My problem is that I am never happy with the present. It's a big problem. It's a huge problem. I am always missing the past, that's been. I have to stop doing that. I realize that, but I just don't know how. I don't know how to start living in the present. How to treasure the people that I have right now.