Winter a ponus

Its end of November almost. Much has changed in the last year, and a lot of it in the last few months. Some things have changed, some remain the same. I've been in this city before, but never as a resident. Only as a visitor. Its like running into a stranger in the streets of Toronto. You see him every day, holding his coffee cup in his torn gloves, but you don't really know his story. Its a similar feeling. I know this bed, I know these clothes, I know these shoes, I know this car, I know this ring. I don't know this bedroom, I don't know these windows, I don't know this floor, I don't know this shower, I don't know this kitchen, I don't know this garage, I don't know these streets, I don't know this office, I don't know these people, I don't know this keyboard. I know a lot, and I don't know much.

I miss my nephew and niece. I wonder what it feels like to have your own kids. I suppose I'd love them more than I love my nephew and niece, but I can't imagine what that must feel like. I will have to go through it to know it. This isn't the limit of my love. Come, deliver my unknown extension. Love of the highest order.

Myself, who I thought I had left behind, is still here. I can feel his presence around me these days. Sometime back I had written that I am running fast, and heading nowhere. Now I feel like I am heading somewhere unknown. It is not any easier.

There are things I like about my new life, and there are things I don't. Why I made these decisions, what brought me here, will remain as much a mystery to myself as anyone. But there is always, there always has been, hope of a better tomorrow. A brighter day, with the chirping birds, a warm cup of tea and familiar smiles.

Ae Zindagi,
Khol apne parat
Aahista, Aahista.

(Oh Life, Unfold your layers, slowly, slowly)